The Five Stages of Grief

Grief...  It isn't a process we ever want our kids to go through, but unfortunately it does happen.  Children go through loss, wether we mean divorce and/or family struggles (i.e. economic, social, warfare, medical, etc), or after the death of loved ones, including, as the sweet and heart-breaking video below shows, the loss of a pet for the first time.


Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first wrote about the Five Stages of Grief in her book "On Death and Dying".  The stages were not meant to be chronological, nor complete.  Some people get stuck in one stage, and may need an intervention to help them cope.  It is helpful to check for those stages when you are caring for yourself or a loved one, and try to help them within each stage that they go through.  Some of these stages are often socially unaccepted or frowned upon, like Anger.  We need to allow ourselves and our children to feel and express these emotions without fear of repercussion.  Our main goal then becomes containment.  We, as the support system for our child, work on containing our child's feelings, and allowing him or her to express such feelings within a safe environment.

The Five Stages of Grief are:

• Denial
• Bargaining
• Anger
• Depression
• Acceptance

Hit me once, shame on you. Hit me twice, I'll be like you...

Corporal punishment, or in layman terms, using physical violence as a means for punishment, is still debated in our region of the world.  You cannot imagine how many times I have heard statements similar to "I was beaten by my parents, and look at me now", as a supportive statement for the use of physical punishment.  I will not address such a statement, but I will try to explain briefly the lessons a child learns from corporal punishment.

• Corporal punishment will teach a child fear.  Fear may result in immediate change in behavior, but fear will not be a motivator nor a lesson in why such a change should be made.

• Corporal punishment will NOT lead to cognitive awareness and acceptance of behavior change.

• Corporal punishment can lead to lower self-esteem and feelings of helplessness.

• Corporal punishment is the antithesis of respect.  Your child may fear you, but s/he will not respect you.

• Corporal punishment teaches your child that it is O.K. to lose your temper and hit someone.  A lesson, many parents often regret when the school year begins.

• Corporal punishment may teach a child that a behavior was unacceptable, but doesn't give the child alternative ways of action(positive behavior).

• Corporal punishment will teach the child that s/he is able to trigger a reaction from you.  They will soon learn that they are more in control than you are.

• Corporal punishment is a form of child abuse, and is punishable in most countries who have established infrastructure and child protection laws.

This is a brief look at some of the most common results to the use of corporal punishment.  There is more to say, but I leave it to you dear readers to draw your own conclusions and make up your own minds.  The image below (which I have used in a previous post) represents the title of today's post:

Let's talk about Abby...

"Every time I'd walk by, he'd call: "Police, police, take her back to the insane asylum,' " Abby says. "The other kids would run in and say, 'We're the police.' And then they'd chase me."

It didn't help that Abby responded by fending off her pursuers with an imaginary lightsaber.

Courtesy of the Mahoney family

Abby Mahoney, 13, has Asperger's syndrome. She says she has memorized nearly everything there is to know about Star Wars. Her enthusiasm for the subject helped make her the target of a bullying boy.

This is a synopsis of the story of Abbey Mahoney, a 13 year old girl with Asperger's syndrome.  Read about her struggles and the research linking Asperger's Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder to increased risk for bullying.  Please follow this link from NPR's health blog, SHOTS, for the full report:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2012/04/23/151037898/children-with-autism-are-often-targeted-by-bullies#more

5 S's

This is a wonderful video which highlights the 5 S's plan as described by Dr. Harvey Karp in his book "The Happiest Baby on the Block".  I loved this clip especially because we can see a wonderful dad getting involved and perfecting this method.  The 5 S's are: swaddling, shushing, side/stomach position, swinging and sucking.
One very important thing to note here however, is the importance of being calm.  If we react anxiously and reluctantly, babies very often pick up on these non-verbal cues and physical reactions (eg. faster heartbeat, shaking).  Breath deeply and calmly, and if you are unable to be calm at that moment, ask your partner for help...

Dyslexia and creativity...

"It is important for us to stop seeing dyslexia as a learning disability and start seeing it as an alternative way of perceiving and processing the world, with benefits as well as drawbacks, and with the potential to contribute creative approaches to our world’s problems." (Lydia K.)

With this a blog entry by Lydia K., an MIT student, concludes.  This entry is Ms. K's final paper for her Science Journalism class.  It is a beautifully written paper which sheds light on the truth behind Dyslexia; unveiling the facts and potentials behind a learning difficulty, that she, an I personally, believe should be viewed as a learning DIFFERENCE.  She quotes in her paper:

According to Brook and Fernette Eide, authors of The Dyslexic Advantage, the cognitive flexibility associated with dyslexia can manifest itself in noteworthy talents. “Dyslexic brains are organized in a way that maximizes strength in making big picture connections at the expense of weaknesses in processing fine details,” says Fernette Eide. These talents include improved spatial reasoning, enhanced ability to view events from multiple perspectives and draw analogies, and a tendency to remember facts as experiences and stories rather than as abstractions. (Lydia K.)

The paper/blog entry is well researched and her writing style is very accessible and easy to comprehend.  I invite you to read this full paper, and follow the links provided by Ms. K for extra information.  It is important, however, not assume generalizations when reading such an article nor undermine the very real struggle people with dyslexia face.  Creativity and/or exceptional talents have often been associated with learning differences and some developmental delays/disorders (such as Autism Spectrum Disorder), but this is not always the case.  It is wise for us to take each child as an individual case.  This paper, however, provides the very important message that Dyslexia should be seen as a difference in perception and experience, rather than an unmanageable obstacle. 

***A very special thank you to a wonderful reader, Ms. Hanadi, for sharing this article with me.  This is exactly why I created this blog, as a place to share and exchange ideas.

Be The Difference

"It feels like everybody just turned against me. It was like nine of them, nine or ten of them, calling me stupid and dumb, and they started throwing things at me, and one of the guys said something to me, and he threatened me ..."

-JA’MEYA

"If it involves repeated, malicious attempts to humiliate a helpless victim, if the victim is fearful, does not know how to make it stop, then it’s bullying."

- Kim Zarzour

These are just some of the quotes collected by a wonderful multidisciplinary team of directors, producers, parents, professionals and students who are involved with the Bully Project.

The Bully Project highlights solutions that both address immediate needs and lead to systemic change. Starting with the film’s STOP BULLYING. SPEAK UP! call to action, The Bully Project will catalyze audience awareness to action with a series of tools and programs supported by regional and national partners.

The Bully Project is a collaborative effort that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

Bully, is the movie that is the cornerstone of this project.  I leave you to watch the trailer, as the movie speaks for itself.

Do visit their website for some wonderful resources such as: toolkits for parents, educators, students and advocates.  They also provide a helpful and easy PDF file with an introduction on bullying that you can share with others (this is where the quotes above came from).

BE THE DIFFERENCE

April Truths...

April is Autism awareness month... Most people have heard about Autism, and are filled with questions, anxieties and concerns.  Let us instead armor ourselves with information and educate ourselves on how to best help our little ones...  This linked article is worth reading to give you basic information on Autism.

HealthyChildren.org - Is It Autism?

These are some of the "Red Flags" the article mentions...

This broad label covers five related developmental disorders: autism, Asperger syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, Rett syndrome, and “pervasive developmental disorder” (PDD).

ASDs (referred to here as “autism”) are difficult to define in broad terms because the symptoms and their severity vary from person to person. However, the National Institute of Child Health & Human Development has created a list of typical “red flags” that may point to autism.

Consider having your 18-month old screened if he:

• Doesn’t respond to his name
• Is slow to develop language skills
• Doesn’t point or wave “bye-bye”
• Used to say a few words or babble, but now he doesn’t
• Throws intense or violent tantrums
• Seems to tune people out
• Is not interested in other children
• Doesn’t smile when smiled at
• Resists changes in routine
• Has poor eye contact
• Doesn’t pretend or play “make believe”