Preventative Means

Watching morning T.V., a beloved past-time of mine on friday morning, I heard about some controversial new advertisements targeting the use of Meth (Methamphetamine Drugs).  Darren Aronofsky, from the movie "The Black Swan", directed several of the Meth Project Foundation ads, and I must say they are VERY graphic.


The Meth Project Foundation was established by businessman Thomas M. Siebel in 2005 in response to the growing Meth epidemic in the U.S.  The Meth Project is a large-scale prevention program aimed at reducing Meth use through public service messaging, public policy, and community outreach. Central to the program is a research-based marketing campaign and community action programs designed to communicate the risks of Meth use.  The Meth Project is funded by a grant from the Thomas and Stacey Siebel Foundation.

These scare tactics and threats do not usually work on current drug users.  The ads motto, "Not even once", aims to target potential users rather than current users..  The ads are very well done, very shocking and unforgiving.  I debated whether or not to embed one of the videos here, but I decided against it because of its graphic nature.  I do, however, encourage you to search on YouTube and tell me what you think.

No?

Two weeks ago, I was asked about the right time to say "no" to a child.  Most recent opinions about this seem to suggest that delaying saying "no" has many benefits, most importantly providing a positive and nurturing environment for the child.  This is certainly something to think about.  I, however, do think that saying "no" will not have any detrimental effects on the child's upbringing even at an early age.  In fact it can be useful.  We have to keep in mind that is it CRITICAL to give children an alternatives as often as possible, and use "no" when it is regarding something potentially dangerous/serious.  For example, if your child is playing with your phone, we can simply redirect him by saying "This is mummy's not yours, but here's your toy, while you hand your child something that belongs to him.  If the child was trying to touch the fire/heater, saying "no" is appropriate.  Explain why whenever possible.

When we are talking about parenting, we very often have to also talk about reality and practicality and not just ideals.  Does that mean we are not providing our very best? Not at all!
Your young child would have heard "no" from you or others even if it not directed at him/her.  Furthermore, in interactions with other adults, your child may have been told "no" directly.  Thinking about cognition and the development of linguistic awareness, it makes more sense that we associate from an early age a relationship between the word "no" and its meaning.  Children thrive within a structure and within a predictable environment, and some limitations are necessary.

Allowing the child to hear the word "no", will also teach the child about assertiveness.  You would have taught your own child how to express his disdain or refusal.  I can probably hear some "oh no's" from you readers right now, but again, an expressive child will be more successful and independent than a non-expressive child.  When children start saying "no" this is the ideal time to teach them about choices and consequences.


Do you remember our earlier post about discipline (here)?  Remember that video of the boy during the tantrum?.  These types of tantrums can be seen in very young children; even younger than the expected "terrible twos" stage.  When structure is in place and some rules are implemented, the tantrums can be dealt with more efficiently.

So what is our summary?

• Saying "no" can be beneficial.  It builds structure and differentiates between dangerous and non dangerous behavior.
• Saying "no" also provides children with predictability, which makes them feel safe.
• Try to give alternatives whenever possible instead of "no" for very young children.
• For older children: Keep giving alternatives and show your child how to correct their own mistakes.
• Saying "no" teaches children about assertiveness and allows them to express negative emotions.
• Give children choices and teach them about consequences.

Holiday Reflection...

As the New Year approaches and the festivities of the holidays commence, many of us start thinking about the past year…. The difficulties, surprises and pleasures we have had.  Some of us make lists and others resolutions.  It is important to reflect and deflect in any way you find useful.  Dr. Marilyn Price-Mitchell suggested in an article in Psychology Today that parents keep these two resolutions:

1.      Be a positive role-model
2.      Help my kids believe in themselves

What wonderful resolutions! They are not easy, and they are not straight forward, but they are very important.  To help you with these resolutions, I ask you to think about your own experiences this year, as an individual and as a family.  Learn from the mistakes, and celebrate the successes… Think about the important things (including people, events, activities, etc) in your life, and how much time and love you dedicate to these things.  Remind yourself and others around you that you deserve love and deserve to be happy.  Believe in your self and your children will follow...  Feel positive about your life and the positivity will transcend to your family...

Here is a song which is perfect for our little post today…

This holiday season I wish you all Love…

Eating your way to health

After checking Oleana Blog's post about our government school lunches (which look horrible!), I remembered the REMARKABLE project that Chef Jamie Oliver headed both in the U.K and U.S.A. to change school lunches. Because of his efforts, he was the 2010 TED Prize Winner. His speech was touching, inspirational and educational. Please take the time to see the whole video... I know it's quiet long.  Kuwait's population struggles immensely with very high rates of obesity and diet related diseases.

Several of our earlier posts have been dedicated to the cause (see our September entry)

Adoption Read-y

Recently I posted about a very important but often undiscussed issue: Adoption.  After consulting with Om Wahabi, a wonderful mother of two gorgeous adopted children, I provide you with her recommended reading list...  I also encourage those of you who are interested in knowing more about adoption locally to check out "Special Mothers" page on Facebook.

Please do feel free to share your own experiences and suggested reading...

1. Found , Jennifer Lauck
2. Attaching in adoption, Deborah D. Gray
3. The Primal Wound, Nancy Newton Verrier
4. 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed, Sherrie Eldridge
5. Making Sense of Adoption, Lois Ruskai Melina
6. Twice born, Betty Jean Lifton

Found , by Jennifer Lauck

Attaching in adoption, by Deborah D. Gray

The Primal Wound, by Nancy Newton Verrier

20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed, by Sherrie Eldridge

Making Sense of Adoption, by Lois Ruskai Melina

Twice born, by Betty Jean Lifton

Marriage Survival 101

 A new post to share by Jennifer Ludden from the SHOTS blog...

To Keep Marriage Healthy When Baby Comes, Share House Work 

As many couples can attest — and lots of research backs this up — marital happiness plummets with the arrival of a baby. Sleepless nights, seemingly endless diaper changes and the avalanche of new chores that come with a newborn leave little time for the intimacies of marriage. It's a situation ripe for mental stress and marital discord.

In fact, the strain is so well documented that, as the Wall Street Journal reported earlier this year, a growing number of mental-health professionals now advise pre-emptive relationship counseling for expectant parents.

But in a survey of 2,870 married couples, the National Marriage Project of the University of Virginia found that more than a third of them buck the trend, managing to stay happy through the emotional, physical and financial strains of new parenthood. So, how do they do it?

Not surprisingly, the report finds sexual satisfaction and a sense of commitment top the list of traits that lead husbands and wives to say they are "very happy" in marriage. No. 3 is "generosity," defined as:


"the virtue of giving good things to [one's spouse] freely and abundantly," and encompasses small acts of service (e.g., making coffee for one's spouse in the morning), the expression of affection, displays of respect, and a willingness to "forgive him/her for mistakes and failings."

Further down the list: shared housework. That's right, both mothers and fathers are more likely to report they are "very happy" when housework is "shared equally." So presumably, asking your husband to do the laundry (or your wife to change the light bulb) can be good for your marriage. Though harking back to generosity, perhaps it's better if each volunteers to take on the task.

The survey is a joint project of the National Marriage Project and the Institute for American Values, conservative groups that promote marriage. Their report also finds — as many surveys have shown — that more devoutly religious people often rank themselves happier. Another recent study attributes this effect to the social networks that religion can foster.

Strikingly, the National Marriage Project finds a big jump in marital happiness among couples with four or more children (which, as the researchers note, is likely a pretty self-selecting group.)

Or, there's a simpler strategy: patience. Contrary to popular perception, evidence suggests marital bliss rebounds with the empty nest.

Sitting comfortably...

Did these car seats grab your attention? Are you expecting? Or is your little baby looking for a "big boy" seat?  


Click here to find out how you can get 10% off ALL of these wonderful Maxi-Cosi Seats from Just Kidding (Dubai).


Offer expires at the end of December... HURRY!

International exchange...

Last week I attended the 1st International Conference on Learning Disabilities and ADHD in Kuwait.  It was a 2 day event hosted by Center for Child Evaluation and Teaching (CCET) and the Kuwait Association for Learning Differences (KALD).  The turn-out was wonderful! Around 2,000 people were registered to attend the lectures, and the international lecturers were truly top notch.  Here is one article from Arab Times (online) which reviewed the conference, for you to have an idea about what topics were tackled.

‘Need To Ensure Students With Learning Disabilities And ADHD Remain Part Of Society’Acting Health Minister Represents The Amir At The Confab

KUWAIT CITY, Dec 4: “We must keep in mind that individuals with Learning Disabilities and ADHD are often vulnerable members of the population and it is our duty as parents, educators, healthcare professionals and the entire community for that matter, to protect them, ensure they remain integrated in society and assist them to become productive and contributing members,” said Dr. Hilal Al-Sayer, Acting Health Minister in his speech, as he represented the Amir, Sheikh Sabah Al-Ahmad Al-Jaber Al-Sabah at the opening of the First International Conference on Learning Disabilities (LD) and Attention Deficit/Hyper-activity Disorder (ADHD) Sunday at the Regency Hotel in Kuwait.

The two-day conference with the slogan “The Future Unites Us” under the patronage of HH the Amir was organized by The Center for Child Evaluation and Teaching (CCET) and the Kuwait Association for Learning Differences (KALD) and attended by delegates and experts on the relevant fields from across the world as well as teachers, educators in public and private schools, students and parents interested in learning about the latest development in the field of LD/ADHD.

In his speech preceded by the Kuwait national anthem and a recitation of the Qur’an, the Chairman of CCET, Abdullah Sharhan welcoming participants to the special needs conference, stated that the event which was timed to coincide with the worldwide celebrations of the International Day of the Disabled, will focus on learning disabilities as one of the most important and commonest types of disabilities negatively affecting individuals’ ability to read, write, compute and focus on school and academic achievement, which leads to their inability to contribute fully and positively to society because they are not able to benefit from the mainstream educational services provided by the state.

Sharhan added that the conference will concentrate on awareness, training, assessment and intervention in addition to building bridges and links between public and private sectors, governmental bodies and civil society organizations in a scientific ambience that is targeted to benefit children with LD and ADHD.

In his capacity as the representative of the Amir, Dr Al-Sayer commended the organizers of the event, saying that he was impressed by its scope and agenda as well as the impressive list of delegates who have gracefully accepted the invitation to come to Kuwait to attend, share knowledge and experiences.
Al-Sayer further stated that events of this nature, not only raises awareness in the community of the unique needs and challenges faced by parents, educators, administrators, policy makers and children themselves, but also serves as an example of the type of forum required to address and overcome them. The acting health minister, added that people should always bear in mind that individuals with LD and ADHD are often vulnerable populations and it’s the duty of parents, educators, healthcare professionals and the entire community for that matter, to protect them, ensure they remain integrated in society and assist them to become productive and contributing members of society.

The importance of the conference lies in its ability to establish social harmony between civil society organizations and governmental and non-governmental organizations. It is also a demonstration of Kuwait’s leadership in providing better services to students with LD and or ADHD including assessment, therapeutic programs, training session and educational projects, said Faten Al-Bader, Director of CCET.
Commenting on their motivation for organizing the conference, Director of KALD, Amal Al-Sayer said that the initiative for the event comes from their belief in the role of civil society organizations in achieving the objectives of the recent development plan for Kuwait approved by the Amir. She added that the basis for the development of an educational system for the disabled depends on the cooperation between governmental and non-governmental institutions.

Conference day one saw 13 different sessions and workshops given by many experts, with the first session being conducted by Dr. Gavin Reid, an eminent Educational Psychologist from the United Kingdom who has written extensively on LD and ADHD. Reid’s lecture which focused on the identification of literacy and learning needs of students with LD, also highlighted on how these needs can be transferred from an assessment protocol to classroom teaching.

Next lecture was by Shannon Green, an international consultant on learning and literacy difficulties who gave an insight into how to bridge the gap between parents and schools and how effective communication can be achieved and what strategies  can be used to by parents and teachers to establish the link. On his part, Professor Charles Haynes focused on early diagnosis and teaching for pre-literacy skills while Professor John Everatt’s session discussed reading comprehension in children with LD.

As a demonstration of the interactive nature of the conference, parents were given the opportunity to clarify the diagnosis and methods of evaluation of LD and the ways to cope with it. A number of workshops were also given to clarify the concept of Dyscalculia (math learning difficulties) and the importance of identifying the types of the condition as well as students suffering from it.

The sessions and workshops are in tune with the conference’s main objectives which include clarifying the role of institutions working in the field of LD and ADHD, provision of knowledge for governmental and non-governmental institutions as well as educational institutions. The objectives also include the provision of the latest services and learning environments for students with LD and or ADHD as well as share experience and expertise in the areas of diagnosis and treatment of the condition.

Mama, I need to go!

Potty training is a part of parenting that many dread, as it can be messy and exhausting, but once mastered provides huge relief.  An interesting article from Healthy Children provided information on the emotional development needed for toilet training.  Many parents just assume that by a certain age the child has to be potty trained.  It is very important to remember that each child is different, and these emotional indicators can help in easing the toilet training process for you and your child.  Observe your child's general behavior and his/her behavior towards potty use, keeping in mind these four aspects:

1. Self Mastery- The desire to control one's own functions and environment.
2. Resistance- The desire to control physical functions and environment.
3. Desire for Approval- Basically your child's desire to get your approval and imitate behavior.
4. Social Awareness- Looking at your child's desire to be like others.

For the full article, click here.

Not Santa but Eggbert?

Who is Eggbert? Found out by clicking here.

TOO CUTE!

ADOPT...FOSTER...LOVE

Below is a beautiful video I would like to share with you... This is the beginning of a wonderful journey for one family in Kuwait. Adoption is a choice many people make, but very few speak about...

To know more about this family, and learn more about adoption in Kuwait visit the following blog:

http://myfosteringlife.blogspot.com/

The Other Voice: Little man's grub

Today's The Other Voice post is by the wonderful Noor Al Zabin...

Following the notes I shared with you regarding organic baby food and their availability, I thought I’d share some tips in preparing fresh food that I have tried with my child that could be of help.

Once a baby is set on a 4/5 meal plan (breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner) is it’s important to ensure that the meals that you prepare are wholesome, fresh and varied.. Babies’ palates are clean and virgin to any tastes and preferences and it is as you go along that they start to develop their likes and dislikes. With that in mind I feel it is very important to introduce different tastes and flavors early on to avoid major dislikes in the future. Here are a few foods that you can try including with your cooked meals:

1)    Tofu: A fantastic source of protein, calcium and iron.. This would make a great alternative to meats a few times a week and its quite bland so babies usually don’t mind it mixed with their usual vegetables

2)    Quinoa: Packed with protein, vitamins A.C, B1 and B2. This could be cooked and added to vegetable and meat meals.

3)    Lentils: I make sure my little one has lentils with vegetables a couple of times a week on his meat-free days… Lentils are high in six minerals, fiber, protein and B vitamins.

4)    Vegetables: Be adventurous within boundaries. Include vegetables you might usually not have at home but know are very nutritious. Parsnips, broccoli, squash, cauliflower, asparagus, avocado, spinach and beetroot all make regular appearances in my little one’s diet.

5)   Fruit: As recommended by our pediatrician I avoid tropical fruit (mango, pineapple, strawberries) during the first year to minimize risk of any allergic reactions. That mentioned, it’s beneficial to ensure fruits are a part of the daily program such as bananas, grapes, oranges, pears, apples, peaches, plums.

As with any new food introduced to babies, it’s important to try each new food with caution looking out for any allergic reactions. After all every baby is different...

"The Other Voice"- Is our contributing authors post.  If you would like to contribute, email me at zalzabin@gmail.com for approval, editing and eventual posting:)

Abused Child = Combat Soldier?

Powerful new study...

How Abuse Changes a Child’s Brain

• By Brandon Keim 

The brains of children raised in violent families resemble the brains of soldiers exposed to combat, psychologists say.

They’re primed to perceive threat and anticipate pain, adaptations that may be helpful in abusive environments but produce long-term problems with stress and anxiety.

“For them to detect early cues that might signal danger is adaptive. It allows them to react, to try and avoid the danger,” said psychologist Eamon McCrory of University College London. However, “a very similar neural signature characterizes quite a few anxiety disorders.”

In a study published Dec. 5 in Current Biology, McCrory’s team used functional magnetic resonance imaging, or fMRI, to measure blood flows in the brains of 43 children exposed to violence at home as they looked at pictures of sad or angry faces.

Previous studies have shown that abuse affects kids’ brains; as they grow up, abused children become adults with high levels of aggression, anxiety, depression and other behavioral problems. But according to McCrory, the new study is the first to use fMRI to study the form of those changes.

“Understanding the neural mechanisms might give us clues as to how someone’s future might be shaped by their experience,” McCrory said.

His team compared fMRIs from abused children to those of 23 non-abused but demographically similar children from a control group. In the abused children, angry faces provoked distinct activation patterns in their anterior insula and right amygdala, parts of the brain involved in processing threat and pain. Similar patterns have been measured in soldiers who’ve seen combat.

Another recent study found that depression in people who were abused as children is especially difficult to treat. McCrory hopes future work will give a more complete picture of abuse’s neurological effects — and, perhaps, the effects of interventions that help children heal.

“Can children change in response to an act of intervention? To a better home environment? We’re quite optimistic that’s the case, that this is reversible. But that’s something we need to test,” McCrory said.

Image: D. Sharon Pruitt/Flickr

Citation: “Heightened neural reactivity to threat in child victims of family violence.” By Eamon J. McCrory, Stéphane A. De Brito, Catherine L. Sebastian, Andrea Mechelli, Geoffrey Bird, Phillip A. Kelly, and Essi Viding. Current Biology, Vol. 21 No. 23, Dec. 6, 2011.

Tea with me?

I promise it will be friendlier than this

Good crisp morning...
  I wanted to use this forum to get some feedback on a new idea I have.  One of my wonderful regular clients had suggested that she groups 2-3 of her friends who have children of similar ages to talk about parenting in general.  I absolutely love this idea, and would like to take it further.
  Support groups and group sessions are a wonderful way for people to exchange ideas, build connections, and find comfort in realizing "I am not alone".  This will most likely be a once/week morning session to begin with, and the topics/age group would change monthly.  Let me know what topics might interest you by commenting below or emailing me directly (zalzabin@gmail.com).  If you are interested to know about these sessions once they start, do say so in your comment/email and I will keep you updated.  I am hoping to start offering the group sessions in January or February.

Apps & Autism

An interesting article from The New York Times.
I have not personally tried any of these applications, but they have been reviewed 
by professionals, adults with Autism and parents with children with Autism...


November 29, 2011, 11:47 AM

Finding Good Apps for Children With Autism

By PRADNYA JOSHI

Shannon Des Roches RosaLeo Rosa, son of Shannon Des Roches Rosa, of Redwood City, Calif., plays with Spot the Dot, an educational app for the iPad.

The Apple iPad has been hailed as a savior for assisting children with autism spectrum disorder or other special needs. It was portrayed as a minor miracle in a recent segment on “60 Minutes” and has been found to help even the very young quickly learn.

Anecdotally, teachers, parents and therapistsdescribe the profound difference that apps for Apple and Android products have made in helping autistic children develop skills. IPad programs have provided a means of communicating for some children with autism who cannot speak or have language delays. Other apps help children learn to handle social situations that can be stressful, like crowds at malls. And many programs can help develop fine-motor skills, which promote functions like writing or manipulating small objects.

Sami Rahman of Houston said that his son, Noah, 3, who has cerebral palsy, was woefully behind in fine-motor skills, speech and cognitive skills before he began therapies and intervention programs. But in four months, the apps he used — along with sessions with therapists and teachers — have put him ahead of the curve in all these areas, Mr. Rahman said.

The iPad “has lowered the cognitive base you have to have to interface with a computer,” Mr. Rahman said. “You touch it, and something happens.”

But as is the case with so many categories of apps, it’s daunting to know where to begin when sorting through the thousands of programs available. “There are so many apps, and not all of them are great,” said Shannon Des Roches Rosa of Redwood City, Calif., whose son, Leo, 11, has autism.

To that end, several good Web sites have been created to review special-needs apps. Most of these sites are not driven by advertising nor do they receive referral fees for recommending apps:

iPad Apps for Autism A Google docs site maintained by Ms. Rosa that grew out of a project she did for the Hollyrod Foundation. The apps she has reviewed and recommended are classified into categories like art, language and music. Jordan Sadler, a professional speech therapist in Chicago, and Corina Becker, an adult with autism, are among the main reviewers. Among the developers she recommends are Injini, Toca Boca, Duck Duck Moose andOceanhouse Media. “Specific companies produce great apps,” Ms. Rosa said.

Other sites she recommends for app listings include Technology in (Spl) Education, which includes a list of free and discounted apps, and Speech-Language Pathology Sharing for language development.

SNapps4kids.com The site, a program of the Easter Seals, lists more than 700 apps but includes about 60 that have been professionally reviewed. The reviews are all done by a special education teacher or certified therapist, many of whom are a part of the Easter Seals network. Mr. Rahman and Cristen Reat, who has a son with Down syndrome, co-founded the site to help identify useful apps. The reviews and categories are organized based on skills learned rather than what disability or diagnosis is targeted. “It’s really for all ages,” said Ms. Reat. “We know stroke victims and people with Alzheimer’s who are using our Web site.”

a4cwsn.com This site, which stands for Apps for Children With Special Needs, features 500 video reviews done by Gary James of Oxford, Conn., who has a son with autism and a daughter with epilepsy. He says he has reviewed some 5,000 apps, but only lists reviews of apps that he believes do what they promise. If an app passes that test and is listed, developers can pay to be on the home page of his site. But that revenue does not cover all the costs of operating the site, he said.

iAutism.info This database contains over 400 apps for iPad/iPhone and nearly 70 for Android. The site was started by Francesc Sistach and his wife, Susana Vila, who live in Spain. Iván Soriano, another parent of a child with autism, is also a main reviewer. Mr. Sistach says the app he finds most interesting is See.Touch.Learn, an app based on Applied Behavior Analysis, a common early intervention therapy for autistic children. “This app can complement expensive one-to-one sessions with a therapist with self-learning sessions using a tablet,” he said.

The site also includes Spanish and other foreign language apps. “Many U.S. developers are forgetting that there are many, many users in other countries, and they only publish their apps in English.” Mr. Sistach said. “ We encourage all developers to translate their apps to other languages, and we are even helping some of them in this process.”